Seeing life through our kids eyes can be fun. How they see things, experience new things and even how they see us. How we talk about ourselves with our spouse, our friends or even to them. What kind of internal truth are we creating about US to our kids?
Now a lot of times when we think of mothers and daughters we think about body image issues. There are so many people urging us to get into the photo or wear the bathing suit. So when I was thinking about what to write I started there.
I asked my girls what is important for our bodies? My 7-year-old said plenty of exercise, sleep and to eat healthy. My 5-year-old said her heart. Because it helps her breath, walk, eat and move her arms. She always has interesting answers for life’s questions. I then asked, “It’s important your body is…….?” Leaving it very open ended and my 7-year-old’s answer was that it is important for her body to be healthy, for her brain to grow strong from school and for her body to be strong. I had lost the interest of my 5-year-old at this point.
So if I wanted to stick with the normal script I would say ok folks don’t speak about weight or say negative things about your body. When you don’t your kids should have a healthy idea around their bodies, food and exercise. The truth is we need to realize there is more than one way that we can create a negative narrative for our kids. That while women’s bodies can definitely be the spot of sensitivity or negativity it is not the only one for us as women.
What is your internal struggle that you are working to combat?
Three years ago I had a very humbling moment and it made me start to be much more intentional with my words. At the time I was exhausted from not sleeping for 2 years with my youngest daughter. She was a very fussy and demanding little one those first couple of years. I was totally worn down. My husband was working full-time and was in graduate school. I was a full-time stay at home mom with two young girls, no time to myself and not much patience. I was struggling. I was also constantly complaining and commenting on how tired and old I felt my face looked. Lack of sleep and stress are brutal on any attempted beauty regime.
Then that moment happened where you literally stop in your tracks and start to think about what in the world you are doing. I heard my girls talking and the little one said something about looking OLDER and YUCKY. Now let me say I am certain she had no idea what she was saying. She was like 2 ½ and could barely say the words BUT I knew what she was saying. She was saying MY WORDS. I was creating a truly awful narrative for these young girls and man did that make me not only pause but feel like I was failing these little girls.
This world is full of things that should matter to us as women and as mothers. We need to be teaching our children about the Lord, being kind and showing compassion. I knew when I became a mom these were things that were very important to me to show and teach them. What I did not have on my list was to teach that looking over 20 years old should be viewed as a negative. Yet, somehow about 5 years into this parenting gig that is exactly what I was beginning to convey to these young girls. It made me feel small and worldly. It is hard to realize these feelings about yourself BUT it is also important to be honest with yourself too.
That was my moment, my pause, and hopefully the start of a new narrative. And while I can not claim that when I notice a new little line on my face that it does not upset me. I do feel I am fully trying to embrace that each year or line means I am MORE not LESS. That moment of realizing we are our kids inner voices when they are young made me realize that my inner voice needed to change for my health as well.
Now a lot of times when we think of mothers and daughters we think about body image issues. There are so many people urging us to get into the photo or wear the bathing suit. So when I was thinking about what to write I started there.
I asked my girls what is important for our bodies? My 7-year-old said plenty of exercise, sleep and to eat healthy. My 5-year-old said her heart. Because it helps her breath, walk, eat and move her arms. She always has interesting answers for life’s questions. I then asked, “It’s important your body is…….?” Leaving it very open ended and my 7-year-old’s answer was that it is important for her body to be healthy, for her brain to grow strong from school and for her body to be strong. I had lost the interest of my 5-year-old at this point.
So if I wanted to stick with the normal script I would say ok folks don’t speak about weight or say negative things about your body. When you don’t your kids should have a healthy idea around their bodies, food and exercise. The truth is we need to realize there is more than one way that we can create a negative narrative for our kids. That while women’s bodies can definitely be the spot of sensitivity or negativity it is not the only one for us as women.
What is your internal struggle that you are working to combat?
Three years ago I had a very humbling moment and it made me start to be much more intentional with my words. At the time I was exhausted from not sleeping for 2 years with my youngest daughter. She was a very fussy and demanding little one those first couple of years. I was totally worn down. My husband was working full-time and was in graduate school. I was a full-time stay at home mom with two young girls, no time to myself and not much patience. I was struggling. I was also constantly complaining and commenting on how tired and old I felt my face looked. Lack of sleep and stress are brutal on any attempted beauty regime.
Then that moment happened where you literally stop in your tracks and start to think about what in the world you are doing. I heard my girls talking and the little one said something about looking OLDER and YUCKY. Now let me say I am certain she had no idea what she was saying. She was like 2 ½ and could barely say the words BUT I knew what she was saying. She was saying MY WORDS. I was creating a truly awful narrative for these young girls and man did that make me not only pause but feel like I was failing these little girls.
This world is full of things that should matter to us as women and as mothers. We need to be teaching our children about the Lord, being kind and showing compassion. I knew when I became a mom these were things that were very important to me to show and teach them. What I did not have on my list was to teach that looking over 20 years old should be viewed as a negative. Yet, somehow about 5 years into this parenting gig that is exactly what I was beginning to convey to these young girls. It made me feel small and worldly. It is hard to realize these feelings about yourself BUT it is also important to be honest with yourself too.
That was my moment, my pause, and hopefully the start of a new narrative. And while I can not claim that when I notice a new little line on my face that it does not upset me. I do feel I am fully trying to embrace that each year or line means I am MORE not LESS. That moment of realizing we are our kids inner voices when they are young made me realize that my inner voice needed to change for my health as well.